Trust: 3 Steps To Make the Process Easier

Sitting down thinking about it, what exactly is trust? Is trust simply a "thing" that we feel? Or is it a verb, something we do? And who feels it? Or who do we do it for? Truth is, it is both a feeling and something we do, and no matter how you look at it, it is a characteristic that that we must endure in order to produce healthy, successful relationships (personal, romantic, or professional). However, who feels your trust and who we trust for is something you have to answer. I can say though, if you exert all of your trust into someone, they too can feel it, and if you trust for the sake of yourself and your happiness, you'll sleep much better at night. 

Unfortunately, we talk about trust as if it is a person from our past we'd rather not make contact with again.  From personal experience, you really only fear trusting again if someone once severely abused the trust you gave them. BUT! Good news is you can definitely trust again. 

1. Know Yourself: Knowing yourself simply means relocating or rebirthing who you are after a hiatus of consumed time (whether that be school, work, or a long relationship). Knowing you requires knowing your worth, and in this instance especially, knowing to what extent you are willing to trust again. Take some time to explore new things, travel to different places, or meet new people, just to gain a better understanding of your interests that you may have put aside for homework, a career, or worse case scenario, someone else's happiness. Continuing, if you know you cannot exert 100% trust into someone right away, you should verbalize that to them, and if they are willing to help you through that process, all power to them. However, you should know yourself before you say you want to be seriously involved with another person because truth is, eventually you'll have to know them too.

2. Know Them: Let me take a minute to be honest with you, you will not completely know a person just from a single date, not even three or five. And you definitely cannot get to seriously know another individual you are interested in over dinner in a loud, crowded restaurant or club every Friday night. Getting to know someone takes time and requires you, again, to know yourself first. Knowing someone is not just knowing their favorite color or favorite movie. It is knowing how they react when sad, mad, overwhelmed; It is knowing their facial expressions and body language; It is knowing all of their quirks and bad habits, and still having the eyes to look past them, see their potential, and love them no less. In fact, my advice to you is to travel together, get lost, see how you both react and work together to get out of that situation. Make brownies together, assign roles, see how well you follow directions individually, yet how well you work together to create something edible (lets face it, if you cannot follow three simple steps together without arguing--take the hint). Finally, lie in bed with the person AND WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON, turn the television off, phones away, and just talk. These activities are actually your first tests of trust. If you indeed see a future with this person and you wish to trust them, you have to trust they will keep you safe while lost or in an unfamiliar place, or trust that they will not poison your brownies, or trust that they would not fabricate information when you ask questions about their past or childhood. 

• Remember! It's a two-way street. When learning to trust another person, you have to keep in mind that they are in the process of learning to trust you too. When getting to know each other, you cannot be reserved with information, be honest, and don't be afraid of what they have to say. It's true, some people are more talkative than others, but if you want to gain someone's trust, you don't repeat or throw information in their face during a heated disagreement. AND! If they want you to trust them, they will practice the same. 

3. Trust: It may seem a little easier said than done, but trusting someone is not just saying you do, it is actually doing it. You know what they say, let the person go and if they come back, then it is meant to be. Now "letting them go" does not necessarily mean "break up". It means let them go do their own thing and allow them to be their own person. Let them explore their journeys alone, and if they come back to you for comfort or assistance, or even just to tell you about it, then something serious may be brewing. Trust, however, is letting them go and be them self without one fear or selfish bone in your body. Now, backtracking, if you know yourself and your worth (#1 above), you would know they would be stupid not to come back to you, but if you know them (#2 above) you would know they couldn't stay away if they tried. 

I agree trusting is difficult, but lets face it, if you have found the right person to trust, they will not make it difficult for you to do at all.