Sunday, 24 December 2006: I remember waking up to my fourteenth Christmas Eve with my Christmas stocking in one hand, “Do You See What I See?” song lyrics in the other, and a stomach full of butterflies. In a few minutes I would be on my way to church, going over my lines, and before you know it, singing my first ever vocal solo. After the drive, I arrived and it was time for me to sing. I stepped off of the choir stands onto the floor of the congregation and the pianist gave me the cue to begin to sing my song. I raised the microphone to my mouth with a tremendous amount of fear, and somehow, began to sing. The day I sang my fist solo at my local church, shaped me into the confident person I am today.
My vocal journey began at birth. My parents named me Harmony (which was then changed of course) for two hours of my young life. When I opened my mouth and started to sing for the first time, I remembered that I enjoyed what I heard, but I just didn’t know what it was or how to use it. I remember being five years old singing quietly around the house and in the car, only because that’s where I felt the most comfortable and no one could really hear me. Since I always had the fear of performing a solo, I decided not to take my vocal talents any further. Therefore, I began taking private piano lessons and did so religiously for a couple of my elementary years. I didn’t enjoy piano as a child because I felt as if I was forced into taking the lessons.
I never really did enjoy playing the piano I just used it as an escape from joining the “oh so great” choir that everyone was stressing me about joining. I remember going to lessons every Tuesday and Thursday, which ironically were the same days the choir rehearsed; after all, I would do anything to get me out of singing in front of an audience. Although I went to my lessons twice a week and got better by the second year, I was still a very keep-it-to-myself person when it came to exposing my musical talents. My piano instructor was the only one that heard me play, other than my family. I felt as if my musical talents were just for me to know and improve upon. As I got older, I realized that I would use playing the piano, and even singing, more as a hobby and a hidden talent rather than something I wanted others to know I could do. After all, it is my talent, right?
As I got older and began my first years of middle school, I noticed that I was a very shy girl who didn’t want anyone to know what harmonies I could make of my fingers or vocal cords. I turned down all chances of performing that were thrown my way. Including, drama club, the school play, the middle school band, and even the middle school choir. I was always scared of what people were going to say and how they would criticize me. Not once did I ever think someone would say something good and actually enjoy my talent. In reality, no one wants to hear “Maybe this isn’t your thing” or “You should try something new.” My family heard me sing and play just a enough to remind me that “[I] would have something great if [I] just worked on it a little bit,” but isn’t that what they’re supposed to say? My doubtful thoughts really solidified form and I didn’t want to hear anything more anyone had to say.
It was in the beginning of my eight grade year when I finally gained enough courage to join my church’s youth choir. I took piano lessons only while I was in sixth and seventh grade, but a week after my first choir rehearsal, I became an official member. As a result, I quit piano lessons since it was really not something I was interested in anyway, and did the only thing I could do which was show up at choir rehearsals on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Before joining the youth choir, I didn’t have any choir experience other than being a member of my elementary school choir, and then only because it was mandatory. Therefore it was really overwhelming joining a choir that consisted of older teenagers. Although my sister and cousin (the two people who make me feel the most comfortable) joined the same time as I did, I still felt as if I didn’t belong and this really sealed my “shell” shut. This was the exact moment I realized that I just got myself into something that i wasn’t sure I wanted to be involved in and I wanted out.
When I realized that there was no escaping the choir, I decided to just stay since I was told never to give up unless I at least tried. I then found myself at my second rehearsal for only about an hour and little did I know I was just given my first solo. Although I knew that I could sing and numerous people agreed, I never really stepped foot in front of an audience and sang, alone, so of course I was panicking inside. I first noticed something wasn’t right when the choir director asked, “By a show of hands, who hear has heard of the song ‘Do You See What I See’?” That just so happens to be one of my favorite Christmas carols so that made me feel a lot more comfortable; I raised my hand. I then noticed the director grabbed pieces of paper and started handing them out to the members with their hand up. Three other singers and myself were the only ones who received the sheet of paper with hand scribbled song lyrics on it. This made me get nervous only because I did not know what was going on at the time and all these crazy assumptions kept racing through my mind. I remember staring at the clock to see if rehearsal was close to being over because I didn't want to sing in front of everyone at rehearsal nor the church on Sunday. Unfortunately, there was one whole hour left and the choir director said, “Those of you with the sheets are the ones with the solos and they are numbered in the order in which you will be singing.” My heart instantly sank to my knees. Not only did I have a solo that I didn’t realize I had volunteered for, but on the right hand corner of the sheet, the number one was circled. I started off the whole song.
I realized that I was a very shy person when I started thinking of crazy excuses for me not being able to sing that Sunday. My face instantly turned cherry red, I was shaking, and my knees felt as if they were going to give out right from under me. I had to decide whether to face my fear or to back down. I thought of excuses such as faking sickness, not showing up, leaving town, or just flat out leaving the choir. I decided that I couldn’t run from this any longer and maybe it was time that others heard me sing.
The first run through of the song was horrible. Everyone was nervous including myself because this performance was for Christmas. Not only were we going to sing the traditional one song, but we had to learn three. The rehearsal went by so slowly and everyone started to get irritated with each other because we just wanted to go home, but the director wouldn’t let us leave until all three songs were perfect. My nervousness about singing the solo made my concentration level sink which made me mess up on the two other songs. Luckily, rehearsal was soon to be over but the pianist automatically noticed that I was uncomfortable and held me after practice for just a little while longer. The only thing she told me was, “Don’t worry about what any one is going to think, just go out there, try your best, and have faith.”
That Sunday morning I woke up not wanting to perform, but somehow had a heart full of faith. On the way to church I constantly went over my lines with my sister and before you knew it, I arrived and it was time for me to sing. As I stepped off of the choir stands onto the floor of the congregation, I hear the crowd’s applause. I then made eye contact with the pianist and she mouthed the word “faith” then gave me the signal to begin to sing. I raised the microphone to my mouth, felt the adrenaline rush, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and got the lyrics ready in my head before I began to sing. As I sang the first few words, I opened my eyes to see my mother and father staring right at me, looking just as nervous as I was. Before you know it the song was over and for the first time in my life I heard an applause just for me.
That morning I realized that anything is possible with faith and courage. Being given that solo opened many doors for me as a singer, a student, and a person. I learned to always try, have faith, and never give up on any obstacle that I may face. That one Sunday morning allowed me to become a more outgoing person. I then joined my high school choir and remained in my church’s youth choir and realized that all of the attention I was getting wasn’t because I could sing, but because I broke my shell and was finally being me. However, I became conscious of the fact that singing did mean a lot to me, for it’s a talent that I'm very thankful to have been given -- my first love.
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