Okay, so let’s just get this out of the way. I am a feminist -- someone who believes in overall equality of the sexes. I have no idea where I got this trait from. Maybe I just picked up the belief through higher education and other life experiences. Either way, I am highly convinced that a woman can do anything a man can do. Whether it play football or become CEO of a well-established company, I believe in that “fair shot” for all. (You can read more about this in my literature review titled, Feminist Perspective on Leadership).
Often times, I am asked to describe myself using three words during interviews for part-time jobs or honorary positions at school. When asked, I describe myself as a leader, as being self-confident, and ambitious. Not many individuals expect a woman to describe her self as ambitious or as a leader, but that is what I am and they are very good traits to have. In fact, growing up I was always considered the “leader of the pack”, domineering, and very strategic. Everyone considered me to be bossy or too full of myself because being a female and in charge (according to most back in the 90’s) was not acceptable. My grandmother always used to say, “You’re too pretty for that,” and subsequently suggested that I help her in the kitchen. My sister was always jokingly called a "Tom Boy" because she would play contact sports with the guys. To me, this was far from a joke. On the other hand, when my brother took the leading role of any situation, he was considered a great leader and was viewed as highly ambitious or “like father like son.” News flash, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree (and by that I mean I too am my father’s child). Not that this hurt my feelings growing up, it just always confused me. Why did I have to help in the kitchen while my brother was sitting in living room with my father watching the game? Yet, this still goes unanswered.
My father, now retired, was a fire fighter and EMS Chief for over twenty years. My mother, well she just worked part-time to get out the house, especially when myself and my siblings were all in school. Any way, I could never understand why the only women in the firehouse were just the wives of the actual fire fighters. Was it because women were not allowed to be fire fighters, or was it because they always thought they weren’t? My parents never earned college degrees, and neither did their parents. However, they always stressed education as a number one priority. My mother’s mother dropped out of high school to help with domestic work, and my mother’s father went into job-corp beginning in the twelfth grade. It is evident that working was the only option for my grandfather, and all the domestic duties were left to my grandmother. Not that there is anything wrong with this (that is how it was in the 1940’s), I just do not agree. In my belief, domestic and financial duties should be split between partners. This leads to more attentive fathers and more well-rounded and less guilty mothers, and thriving children (S. Meers and J. Strober, 2009). This also leads to a better understanding of the 50/50 split and the teaching of equality.
From birth, males and females are treated differently. Now we do not have to dig into hard data to realize that boy = blue and girl = pink. Also, think about the toys you received as a child. If you are a male, I’m sure you received trucks -- mostly ones that represented an occupation (fire truck, dumpster truck, or race car), toy soldiers, or science kits. If you are a female, my guess is on Christmas morning you unwrapped dolls (collector items, barbie dolls, and baby dolls), domestic sets (easy bake oven, toy kitchen and cleaning sets), or dress up/vanity sets. Now, take a deeper look into the meaning behind these toys. Males were always given toys that reflected traits such as: strength, intelligence, or ambitiousness. In contrast, females’ toys all represent stay-at-home domestic duties such as: cooking, cleaning, and raising children. This may not have been so obvious to most, but being raised with a younger sister and brother, the differences become quite evident. Even on Christmas morning, our gifts were separated by gender. My brother’s gifts were on one side of the tree and my sister’s and mine were on the other. It is not that my parents raised us as unequals, I am just convinced that they did not realize the difference. No one else really does either.
A couple weeks ago my family and I attended our church picnic. There, everyone played games, especially children. Amongst these games was tug-of-war, sack races, football, and jump rope. Let’s take a minute and guess who was playing football, who was playing jump rope, and when both genders did play tug-of-war, who versed who? You guessed it. The boys and girls were separated playing their own games until it was time for the boys against girls game of tug-of-war. My mom also got in the action. Later on that after noon, a bunch of male adults were playing quoits off to the side. My mother grew up playing the game and it was obvious she was excited to see if she still “had it.” While asking around the picnic if anyone wanted to be her partner, she mentioned that she wanted to wait until next game because she couldn’t play with the guys. I immediately turned to her and asked, “Why not? Why can’t you play with the guys?” She couldn’t give me an answer and I reminded her that she could do whatever she wanted, with whom she wanted. Surely, she waltzed over there with her partner, who happened to be my aunt, and they played, and won.
Whether I am getting scolded for speaking up in class without raising my hand AFTER a male had done the same thing, or being frowned upon for being a female upholding a leadership position, it is obvious that men are, or still want to, dominate this world. It is bad enough that as a woman I have to face societal pressures of wanting to possess a rewarding career and raise a family, but then I have to be reminded that men get hired and promoted based off potential, and women in the U.S. are not even promised paid maternity leave (Human Rights Watch, 2011). However, being an undergraduate student at one of the Top Fifty Universities in the country, I am used to being emulated (especially due to the fact that the Penn State population is so competitive academically and athletically). Either way, I am excited to express my views through my various societal roles -- present and future. I have hopes of being a working mother who still comes home at five to help with homework and prepare dinner. However, the days which this is not possible, I hope to have an understanding husband who doesn’t mind splitting the child-raising duties in half.
This was intended to be a long rant as well as a quick reminder to all women. I am sure I will add to it as it will be a part of my book one day.
Resources:
Human Rights Watch, Failing Its Families: Lack of Paid Leave and Work-Family Supports in the US. February 2011.
S. Meers and J. Strober, Getting to 50/50: How Working Couples Can Have It All by Sharing It All. NY: Bantam Books, 2009
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